The Internet has given us many things. Infinite knowledge at our finger tips, the ability to summon a large stuffed crust pizza to our door without having to speak to another human being and, erm, cat memes. Now though, it appears the Internet has also given us syphilis.
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According to the president of the British association of Sexual health and HIV, there’s been a 53 per cent rise in cases of syphilis in Wales between 2016 and 2017. The cause? Dating apps.
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Dr Olwen Williams said STI clinics were struggling to cope with the rise in cases, also taking place in the UK, and blamed dating apps like Tinder and Grindr, which make arranging casual sex far easier.
In turn, the casual nature of these encounters also makes it much harder to contact people’s previous partners to stop the spread of infections.
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And to think we were worried about Y2K. The machines have figured out that given the tools and enough time, they can save themselves a war as the humanoids will just shag themselves to death instead.
Talking to the BBC, Williams said: “We’re seeing a genuine rise in STIs. If we were just seeing an increase in testing then our figures would look slightly different, but it feels that way.
“Certainly, in my career I’ve never seen so much gonorrhoea or syphilis in my area, ever.”
(Related: Study suggests dating apps can lead to depression)
Cases of chlamydia, gonorrhoea and herpes are all also on the rise in the UK and last year there was an average of 794 new STI cases per 100,000 people.
So, with all that in mind, and the threat of an antibiotic resistant strain of super-gonorrhoea on the horizon, we appear to have two choices.
The first: stop having sex. No more right swiping, no more super liking, no more DM sliding. And certainly no more ‘U awake’ texts at 1am. From now on it’s just you, private browsing mode and some quality time.
The second: wear a condom. How simple is that? By putting one on you drastically reduce the chances of catching or passing on an STI. Who knew?
And, if you’re unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with an STI, do the decent thing and let anyone who might be affected know. It won’t be the best text they’ve ever received but trust us, they’ll at least respect you for letting them know.
